22. The spirit of American Capitalism is alive and well at Paris Disneyland.
23. Having a Willie Nelson song stuck in your head during your trip to Paris will guarantee a major mindfuck.
24. Real hot chocolate should have the consistency of maple syrup and taste like Salvation.
25. Every man, woman, and child in Paris can speak English. The gypsies are fluent.26. The homeless don’t take “No” for an answer.
27. The Mona Lisa is much smaller and less impressive than you think. It’s the Tom Cruise of classic art.
28. According to the laws of physics, the less time you have to reach the train station, the more traffic your taxi will encounter.
29. French veggie burgers are so much fucking better.
30. Always get your desserts to-go. They always taste better in bed.31. According to the pallets of my parents—and despite all the hoopla—French coffee and tea suck.
32. The receptionist at the Best Western in the Saint Maurice district of Paris is a douche bag.
33. BBC ain’t so bad, after all.
34. The combination of candy corn and Nutella is not as good as you’d think. Actually, I guess it’s exactly as good as you’d think.
35. For every car in the metro station, there are three accordion players with hungry children to feed.36. It doesn’t matter how well you pronounce the French "R". They will always respond in English. (This is true in all of France.)
37. Bathrooms with mirrored walls are a God-awful idea.
38. If I didn’t harbor a juvenile appreciation for Winnie the Pooh, Paris Disneyland would have been a lot less enjoyable. My dad probably would have had a better time, though.
39. If your metro car smells like shit, look beside you. You’re most likely sitting beside shit.40. The Eiffel Tower is much larger and more impressive than you think. It’s the Dolly Parton of classic architecture. (Seriously, Youtube “Mountain Angel”. Don’t let the boobs fool you.)
41. The French are surprisingly adept at cooking sauerkraut.
42. I want what my parents have.
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